The End?

We are at a crossroads - we're out of money for IVF, which means that we won't ever have children. That's a huge pill to swallow and I don't know how to accept that.
I am wondering if it's time to end this blog - I don't have much to say except angry rants and I don't want to be like that. I guess I'll think on it.
I really appreciate everyone's support! You are wonderful friends.

I quit. I’m mad as hell. I’m sick and tired of playing by the rules, doing everything like I’m supposed to – and getting screwed. It’s so damn unfair. I don’t have anything eloquent to say. That’s it.

Torture

Well, I've been in exile, on a vigil, on hiatus - I don't know what to write other than I'm waiting and scared and it's torture. I just want to bury my head in the sand and come out some time in the future (far in the future). I feel kind of like a toddler, I want to throw myself on the ground, roll around screaming, and violently thrust my arms and legs into the air (although I haven't actually done this for fear of shaking loose any possible baby). I'm actually getting tired of being around myself because I've been such a downer.
I can't muster the energy to take and post a picture of Rufus' deflated scrotum (his "after" shot). It's deflating, but quite saggy.
It was great having my sister and brother-in-law here for a visit. Justin is home this weekend and providing lots of TLC.
Official thanks to Amy for taking me to get knocked up! (And to the US Govt for giving her the cushy schedule to be at my beck and call).
And thanks to Stephanie, my personal, free tech support! She sure does know a lot about stuff you never knew you needed to know about. And she helps me realize I'm not as crazy as I thought.
So, off to do some more waiting, tick tock, tick tock. And while I'm waiting, maybe I'll go pull my hangnails with tweezers, rub salt in my eye, pull hairs out of my nose, give myself papercuts in between my toes, or slam my finger in the door - just to add to the experience. And I'll try not to be so uplifting next time.

One little Sandra and one little Justin

Yippee! Can you tell which one is me and which one is Justin? Everything today went well. The blastocysts (5 day old embryos) look great. The one on the bottom is already hatching.

So now the hard part starts, tick tock, tick tock. I'm keeping everything crossed!! Thanks for all your support!

A fond farewell to The Boys

Well folks, here you have it, it's the old snip snip for Rufus' Big Boys. He started growling at me and Justin this weekend (a ferocious, snarling growl). He actually bit me (no marks) this morning. He's had some food aggression issues for about a month. Our vet thinks he's trying to establish dominance and said we need to nip it (or snip it) in the bud quickly to get control of it before it becomes a pattern. So, the world will be at a loss because the galacial man parts will be gone.

Our vet thinks part of this could be because Justin left (for school) but then came back (for the weekend) - probably something like Rufus had me all to himself and then Justin came back and was too much man for Rufus - that's my super manly, man, Justin.

Well, at least the basset nazis will be happy.

He's recommended some behavior modification like hand feeding and not letting him on the bed, so I'm ready, and I have my wooden spoon within reach in case I have to lay the smack down on him. Right now, he's asleep on me like a little angel.

On the non dog front, I am still HOT and rapidly approaching D-Day, Thursday.

I have a rental car because Justin's car has been in the shop for a week and a half now and every time they work on it, they mess up something new. But, hey - I'm just glad I don't live in Iraq!

Think good pregnant, baby thoughts for me this week!

I am HOT!

Oh good lord have mercy - I am officially having HOT flashes! I totally empathize with all the menopausal women (and Rebecca) of the world. Wow, it's intense. I'm scared I might catch on fire like that couple on Like Water for Chocolate. I don't think it's the Lupron since I've been on it before (and at a higher dose) so it must be the estrogen, or maybe the combination of both. Whew!
I hope you all have a good rest of your weekend - and stay cool!

What I learned about injectables . . . the hard way

Here's a look at the carnage from this morning. Today was my first day of several new meds. It's a good thing I didn't have to go to work this morning because I would have definitely been late. I was holding my Lupron needle in my mouth while I cleaned the injection site with an alcohol pad and reached up to take the needle out of my mouth - I stabbed my finger and the needle went in on one side and came out the other side. Ouch!

The other picture shows the aftermath of my meds this morning. I wore the pharmacy out.