Leap of faith

Posting the pregnancy ticker to my blog is a scary leap of faith. You get so spooked about any little step, assuming anything and possibly jinxing the whole thing (or even talking about jinxing it) - it's just crazy!
I'm so grateful for my blog friends who are testaments and much needed daily reminders that this can actually work out and have a happy ending!
So, deep breath, here I go on another leap of faith.

Good news today

Had an appointment today with my regular ob/gyn and he did an ultrasound - everything looks good. The baby is measuring 11 weeks (and I'm 10w3d). You can still see the sack for the other twin. I will see the perinatologist at 15 weeks for amnio.

On top of the world

Got a great report at my ultrasound today!! The baby looks good. What a huge relief!
I am officially released to my regular ob/gyn and I will also see a perinatologist. I think I will switch to a different blood thinner (from Arixtra to Lovenox) because of my new insurance. The hematologist will follow me for the blood thinner.
I'm on my way!

Things about me . . .

I'm trying to pass time, so here's some things about me that you may not know:

• I ate pizza three times in two days last week
• My grandmother went on a date with Ronald Reagan (when they were teens or young adults)
• I called the President of Eastern Airlines when I was 14 years old (and he discounted my fare)
• I had my martian dot removed from in between my eyes (Justin says I can't communicate with my people anymore)
• I now live 1 mile from the house my Dad lived in as a teenager in a state (GA) totally different from the state I was born and raised in (NM)
• I LOVE hot/spicy good
• I was 26 before I had my first pet dog (and then I got 3)
• At the age of 3 and buck naked, I ran to the end of our yard and yelled F*** YOU to the people at the neighborhood park (my question is, how did I learn that?)
• I wrote a letter to the editor (about flying tortillas) in high school and caused an uproar in the city
• I witnessed the Berlin wall coming down in East Germany
• My dad dated my husband's mom for three years in high school. (This is funny, when I had a consult with a genetic counselor a couple weeks ago, she asked if my husband and I were related - for real - I hope that's a standard question)
• It took me 10 years to get a bachelors degree, then I got 2 masters degrees in the next 4 years
• I can blow air out of my eye

Freak out

I had a little freak out last night, probably a mini panic attack. I woke up around 2 or 3am and shot up out of bed (which is quite unlike me, usually I sleep well).
I really want to be positive and think the best. It's been really hard not to let the negative thoughts creep in. I'm also just so tired of talking about this because one minute it's good and the next it's bad - you never know what's next. I am super nervous leading up to my 10 week ultrasound.
Breathe! Breathe!

Bad news

At our 8 week ultrasound today, we learned that one of the babies has died. The other one looks good. Now I'm on pins and needles, trying not to be scared and negative about something happening to the remaining baby.
This roller coaster ride is tough.

Happy Mothers Day

Leading up to today, I didn't think much about myself as a mother, but I was at the grocery store and they were giving roses to all the mothers, and it made me think about yes I am a mother (to the baby we lost in 2007) and yes I am a mother to my babies who aren't here yet. I'm also a mother to hundreds of children who have crossed my path and I have loved and "mothered" over the last 17 years in my work. And wow I sure will be relieved and ecstatic to be a real live in person mother when the twins get here.
Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there.
A very special "I'm thinking about you" to all the mothers who have lost a baby/child and to those who are still struggling to be mothers, struggling with what to do about the quest for motherhood, or struggling with how to move beyond it. I really emphathize with you and my heart goes out to you with extra love and support!

Great news!

I had a consult with a genetic counselor yesterday and she said there's a 95% chance that the babies are normal and fine (that they are not monosomies). What a huge relief!
The 5% chance is if they were disomies (got the 2 chromosomes from the same parent) and we will test for those using amnio.
I've been reading about the proper nutrition/eating/weight gain for twins - holy cow I have a lot of eating to do! I think I'm going to aim for 20 pounds by 20 weeks and 30 pounds (total) by 30 weeks (but I'm still doing my research).
My 8 week ultrasound is Monday.

Crazy thoughts

So far I'm doing okay. I'm pretty positive most of the time (I do a lot of spontaneous smiling and I say Wow a lot). But every now and then I have some crazy, irrational thoughts/fears. Last night I realized my breasts aren't sore anymore and immediately thought that must mean something is wrong. It's just amazing how these bad thoughts come out of nowhere and bam knock you up side the head. I know I will have to struggle with fears on and off if this pregnancy makes it for the long haul.
I've also found myself thinking about my Dad a lot (he died a week and a half after we lost our baby) and I wish he could be here for this incredible miracle.
Justin takes his finals this coming week and then leaves one week later for 5 weeks in Australia/Fiji. I was laughing with him this morning about all the things I'm going to do while he's gone (the mouse will play while the cat's away).
I'm trying to teach Rufus (aka Hellcat) not to jump on my belly. Other than trying to make the next 33 weeks fly by, that's all that's happening.