Huckleberry Hound Dog

I am feeling like a bad parent because I haven't been showing off our new dog, a basset, to the world - Huckleberry Hound Dog. You can see his picture on the bottom right of my blog. We got him from a shelter and he had every kind of worm and a bad cold/cough. I think he's finally figured out we are good folks and he is safe and okay. He's one lucky dog to be joining the Gardner family. He's fitting right in, loves to play, and he is doing his job which is to play with Rufus.
I'm coming up on the one year anniversary of losing the baby and my Dad but I seem to be doing okay.
I hope you all are well!

The End?

We are at a crossroads - we're out of money for IVF, which means that we won't ever have children. That's a huge pill to swallow and I don't know how to accept that.
I am wondering if it's time to end this blog - I don't have much to say except angry rants and I don't want to be like that. I guess I'll think on it.
I really appreciate everyone's support! You are wonderful friends.

I quit. I’m mad as hell. I’m sick and tired of playing by the rules, doing everything like I’m supposed to – and getting screwed. It’s so damn unfair. I don’t have anything eloquent to say. That’s it.

Torture

Well, I've been in exile, on a vigil, on hiatus - I don't know what to write other than I'm waiting and scared and it's torture. I just want to bury my head in the sand and come out some time in the future (far in the future). I feel kind of like a toddler, I want to throw myself on the ground, roll around screaming, and violently thrust my arms and legs into the air (although I haven't actually done this for fear of shaking loose any possible baby). I'm actually getting tired of being around myself because I've been such a downer.
I can't muster the energy to take and post a picture of Rufus' deflated scrotum (his "after" shot). It's deflating, but quite saggy.
It was great having my sister and brother-in-law here for a visit. Justin is home this weekend and providing lots of TLC.
Official thanks to Amy for taking me to get knocked up! (And to the US Govt for giving her the cushy schedule to be at my beck and call).
And thanks to Stephanie, my personal, free tech support! She sure does know a lot about stuff you never knew you needed to know about. And she helps me realize I'm not as crazy as I thought.
So, off to do some more waiting, tick tock, tick tock. And while I'm waiting, maybe I'll go pull my hangnails with tweezers, rub salt in my eye, pull hairs out of my nose, give myself papercuts in between my toes, or slam my finger in the door - just to add to the experience. And I'll try not to be so uplifting next time.

One little Sandra and one little Justin

Yippee! Can you tell which one is me and which one is Justin? Everything today went well. The blastocysts (5 day old embryos) look great. The one on the bottom is already hatching.

So now the hard part starts, tick tock, tick tock. I'm keeping everything crossed!! Thanks for all your support!

A fond farewell to The Boys

Well folks, here you have it, it's the old snip snip for Rufus' Big Boys. He started growling at me and Justin this weekend (a ferocious, snarling growl). He actually bit me (no marks) this morning. He's had some food aggression issues for about a month. Our vet thinks he's trying to establish dominance and said we need to nip it (or snip it) in the bud quickly to get control of it before it becomes a pattern. So, the world will be at a loss because the galacial man parts will be gone.

Our vet thinks part of this could be because Justin left (for school) but then came back (for the weekend) - probably something like Rufus had me all to himself and then Justin came back and was too much man for Rufus - that's my super manly, man, Justin.

Well, at least the basset nazis will be happy.

He's recommended some behavior modification like hand feeding and not letting him on the bed, so I'm ready, and I have my wooden spoon within reach in case I have to lay the smack down on him. Right now, he's asleep on me like a little angel.

On the non dog front, I am still HOT and rapidly approaching D-Day, Thursday.

I have a rental car because Justin's car has been in the shop for a week and a half now and every time they work on it, they mess up something new. But, hey - I'm just glad I don't live in Iraq!

Think good pregnant, baby thoughts for me this week!

I am HOT!

Oh good lord have mercy - I am officially having HOT flashes! I totally empathize with all the menopausal women (and Rebecca) of the world. Wow, it's intense. I'm scared I might catch on fire like that couple on Like Water for Chocolate. I don't think it's the Lupron since I've been on it before (and at a higher dose) so it must be the estrogen, or maybe the combination of both. Whew!
I hope you all have a good rest of your weekend - and stay cool!

What I learned about injectables . . . the hard way

Here's a look at the carnage from this morning. Today was my first day of several new meds. It's a good thing I didn't have to go to work this morning because I would have definitely been late. I was holding my Lupron needle in my mouth while I cleaned the injection site with an alcohol pad and reached up to take the needle out of my mouth - I stabbed my finger and the needle went in on one side and came out the other side. Ouch!

The other picture shows the aftermath of my meds this morning. I wore the pharmacy out.

Good to go

I went to my doc in Atlanta today and everything looked good - so we will do the frozen embryo transfer next Thursday. They'll thaw them out starting on Wednesday and will call me Thursday morning to let me know if they made it. If they survived the thaw, then off to Atlanta and we'll put the babies Gardner in and hope like hell they attach.
Saturday I start antibiotics, steroids, blood thinner injections, and progesterone injections (and keep taking the estrogen, aspirin, folic acid, pre-natal vitamins, and lupron injections).
Since Justin's gone at school, Rebecca's agreed to be my shot giver (the one in the hip) - thanks Rebecca! Now I can say you're a real pain in my ass! HA!
Keep your fingers crossed!

Big day and irrational thoughts

It's a big day because the honeymoon has officially concluded and Justin went back to Athens today - boo hoo. At least he's getting his 2nd year of pharmacy school under way so we can get it over with.
I've been having crazy, irrational thoughts about in vitro/pregnancy stuff - like 1) I'm going to take the blood thinner again this time, will start it Saturday, but I wonder if I shouldn't because I got pregnant the first time when I wasn't taking it and didn't get pregnant the second time when I was taking it, and 2) the night before my transfer last time (when I didn't get pregnant) we had a great dinner of ribeye and mashed potatos, and I was thinking about what to do the night before the transfer, and my first thought is I better not eat that again. You know the thoughts are crazy but you just can't keep them from creeping into your mind.
Well . . . thanks for traveling with me on my journey . . . I'll keep you posted.

Estrogen makes you happy?

Today I started taking even more estrogen. Justin says I've been happier, or more carefree, or something like that. Maybe we should all take estrogen every day! I still don't notice any difference other than the blue stuff but you don't really want to know about that.
We are enjoying the olympics.
I am learning that we all have so much to be thankful and grateful for - so be happy with what you have and rejoice in it. Life could be much worse - and if you need some examples, contact me.
Sandra

What a great weekend!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the bike ride from Athens to Macon - a great century ride. The newbies did great! And thanks to everyone who attended the party afterwards and rocked the night. The shock box, as always, was a big hit (see picture). It was dog mania with Max, Rufus, Duchess, Rupert, Ben, Toby, and Alex - and Rufus was beside himself crazy in love. Thanks to Chris for the live music - you rock!! And thanks to everyone who helped out.

I haven't really noticed anything from the estrogen, so just more of the same and some waiting to get the show on the road.

Full of estrogen

I'm officially full of estogren - don't really notice a difference.
I have a transfer date for August 28.
I'm in New York for business - more later.

The next step

Well I started a period today, which is the next step. I will start taking the estrogen tomorrow after talking to my nurse. The estrogen dose increases over time. I'll take the estrogen (and other drugs) for about 3 weeks, then thaw the Babies Gardner and hope like hell they make it, then transfer (put them in), and wait for a pregnancy test.
I can't wait to see if I get all crazy on the estrogen - it may be a good thing that Justin will soon be living in Athens during the week - in case I have estrogen induced psychosis.
Holy cow, woo hoo, I'm on my way!

The tp bandit strikes again!

Gee, I wonder who did it. I can only guess that Hellcat, aka Rufus, got into the toilet paper again, even though I had a serious talk with him and gave him strict instructions not to do it again.

Party time!

Ok, just one more - next weekend is party time. The group is riding bicycles from Athens to Macon (104 miles!) Saturday morning then a big end of the summer party - with the tent, good beer, Inglside Village pizza, and the famous shock box (thanks Mom!!). I just hope the young bucks can keep up with the old farts.

Deep thoughts and Rufus' nuts don't mix

I just couldn't bring myself to mix my deep thoughts blog entry with what's up with Rufus acting so crazy lately blog entry. Is it his large testicles excreting so much testosterone that he's gone wild? Or am I thinking too much about his non-neutered man parts because of the nazi basset folks brainwashing me with "cut his balls off" propaganda?
Well, at any rate, he's gone koo-koo: tearing up the toilet paper roll (I'll post a picture next time he does it), playing a new "I'm not going to eat my food" game, growling at Max in a serious "I'll mess you up" kind of way, biting human body parts that aren't made to accessed by a wild and crazy dog (ouch!) . . . and of course all of this just fuels Justin's contention that he needs an active playmate to keep him worn out . . . which fuels the "nazis won't give us a dog" issue. Oh my lord, fun, fun, fun.
Have a good weekend!

Deep thoughts with Sandra

I wish I had something more exciting to report on the IVF front. I shoot Lupron, do the same the next day, and the same the next, etc., etc. I'm just thankful to have the opportunity . . .
Today was humbling, once again I visited my friend N. He is in a rehab facility recovering from a diabetic coma. He's young, married, expecting his first child. He's gone from a normal fully functioning guy to being incapacitated - lucky to be alive and learning to walk, talk, all the basics. Wow - I am still profoundly affected by my recent losses and the sadness is very present, BUT out of all this mess also comes a powerful appreciation for just being alive and having your basic needs met, appreciating the simple things, being more aware of what is good. I'm trying my best to remind myself of this when I am uptight about things that really don't matter; and instead, bring joy to myself and those around me. Cynthia (aka Flaca Loca) turned me onto "Be the change you want to see in the word" (Ghandi) and I want to share it with you. Make the most of all your moments!
Sandra

Well, Rufus II was a no go, because of some health issues. We're striking out everywhere on the dog front.
I'm happy to say that The Foot is healing nicely (but still hurts a lot, where's my percocet?).
All is about the same on the Lupron; I inject 20ccs every morning.
We had a great time this weekend (rafting, mountain biking) - and our guide had a staff infection on (in?) his butt. Nice.
I'm anxious to see what I'm like when I'm all jacked up on estrogen - crazy and deranged or not?
I'm trying to stop drinking beer but . . . also thinking maybe I should drink beer now because I won't be able to in the near future (cross your fingers) - isn't that logical?
Hello to my internet friend, Stephanie, who is pregnant and progressing nicely, kind of my pregnant soul sister. Hang in there, you won't be a barn. Thanks for your support!
A very happy anniversary (today) to Suzanne and Andy who are celebrating 13 years of wedded bliss.
Have a good week!

What's up?

Hi Amy! Hi Jennifer! Hi Rebecca! Hi Dallas!
Troy and Amy. Troy and Amy. Troy and Amy.
You know we are shopping for another basset, a playmate and companion for Rufus (so he'll quit knocking over poor Max). We are going to look at a stray basset tomorrow, his name is Rufus - ha! Here's the link to his web posting http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=11262388.
I start my Lupron Friday. Whoa . . . here we go again!

The latest

In preparation for using the frozen babies Gardner, I will start Lupron injections on July 25, do that for 2 weeks, then take estrogen for 3 weeks (along with a lesser Lupron dose) and assorted other meds (Progesterone, blood thinner, antibiotic, medrol) - then thaw the embryos (hope like hell they make it) and transfer them in at about the end of August. We will transfer both embryos.
I'll be anxious to see if all the extra estrogen makes me super female crazy.
Poor Rufus is on lock down again. We could tell he wasn't feeling well last week so we took him to the vet. They poked and prodded - he got a prostate exam and the poo stick up the butt for a poopaloop sample (I thought that stick was going to come out his mouth) - and the vet squeezed/drained his anal glands. They were full and SMELLY - we had to air out the room - it was gagalicious. Our vet says there is no real health benefit (after weighing both pros and cons) to getting neurtered - so take that basset rescue nazis!
Justin is happy because he's cycling again (and losing his freshmen 20).
The Tour de France is on and we've been glued to watching each day's stage.
Justin and I both are sleeping a lot. What's up with that? Can you catch a disease that makes you sleep all the time? Could it be the new mexican sleeping fever?
My foot has hurt a lot this go around and I've upgraded from Lortab to Percocet, but I have to say that it's been disappointing because my foot still hurts like hell. My love affair with Percocet may be over.
We have about 1 month left before Justin returns to Athens - so we'll be honeymooning it up!
Go forth and appreciate the things you have to be thankful for!

More gross Foot pictures

Please scroll to the bottom to see the latest laser procedure on my poor foot. It hurts a lot more this time. The doc had to give me more shots to deaden it (because of scar tissue) and it still wasn't numb when he started lasering - ouch. I'm such a wimp.
I forgot to take the before photo, so you only have the after photo.
You can all rest assured knowing that our tax dollars are at work with Amy, who is busy on TDY nailing the bandits whom are stealing the govt's money.

The Foot is back

I've got another treat for you. I'm having another laser procedure on my foot tomorrow. There are a few spots that have come back. So, I'm posting a before picture today and will post an after picture tomorrow. It shouldn't be as gross because it won't be as big (darnit).
Justin wants to get a basset as a companion for Rufus and to give Max a break. But - The basset hound rescue folks won't let us get one of their dogs because Rufus isn't neutered. Would have been a lucky dog.
Have a good week!

Props to my new hairdressers

Hola from Nuevo Mexico! This is part of what we've been doing in NM. I've updated my look, courtesy of my new hairdressers, Cynthia and Hayley. Sexy huh?

We had a GREAT time in NM. Wow, it was fabulous (Mom) to be home. Im sending special thoughts to my Mom and to my sister/brother-in-law who are in India for 17 days.

Amy - I WILL be wearing my hair like this to the wedding - think outside the box.

Hope you all are well!

Good news! Good news!

Makes me think of the Dukes of Hazzard when Roscoe P Coltrane laughs: "Kew-kew-kew!"
I have the best husband in the world! Well, you already knew that, but I just wanted to reiterate that I have a good baby!
We are going to use our frozen embryos this summer. So keep your fingers crossed for us! It will probably be in August.
Can you imagine if we have a child and you can look at them and think: "Gee, you used to be frozen and in a deep freeze in a lab in Atlanta, and here you are a real, live human being." WOW!
We are off to Albuquerque on Saturday to my brother's wedding and a week of New Mexico travel and fun.
I hope all is well with you!

I'm back

I'm feeling like I'm back amongst the living, kind of, mostly.
Now I'm just trying to figure out what's next, lots of hard decisions. I need to win the lottery, rob a bank, become wealthy overnight - I'm holding out for riches, or at least dreaming of the possibilities.
I think The Foot problem is growing back and I'm going to need another laser procedure. But at least it will be a smaller affair. And thank goodness for healthcare in the good old US of A.
Rufus goes back to the vet Monday and hopefully will be cleared of heart worms and will come off lock down - so he will be able to run free in the yard.
Justin and I are like newlyweds - actually living together! Heaven!
We had a great time at my sisters over the holiday weekend.
I hope you are doing your best to live well - make the most of all our moments!

Thanks for your support

Dear family and friends:
I found out today that my pregnancy test was negative. I am very grateful for your love and support. Unfortunately, an unhappy ending.
This weekend, I am off to my sister's house (my mom and brother & family will be there) in Missouri for a big party to celebrate her 2nd masters degree and her 40th birthday.
I'll try to write more later.
Love, Sandra

Being a lady of leisure is hard

I'm still at home trying to be still . . . I painted my toenails, took a nap, did work stuff throughout the day, and I'm watching Oprah. Here's a link to the best turkey burger she's ever had (at a Donald Trump restaurant). http://www.oprah.com/foodhome/food/recipes/200805/food_20080516_burger.jhtml

Joke of the day:
A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink.The couple was curious about what the stamp was for, so when they got home, the husband dug out his magnifying glass to try to see what it was. In very tiny letters, the stamp said, "When you can read this, come back and see me."
Have a great weekend!

At home with my legs up in the air

Because I'm still spotting, this morning my doctor told me to get off my feet, so I've been at home . . .. laying still. I would probably go crazy if I had to do this all the time, but Max and Rufus are happy.
Joke of the day:
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.
Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was dead on their porch.

Nerves, Recipes, Food, and Pregnant Jokes

Whoa - I've been spotting since last evening and I'm scared to death. I don't know whether to be hopeful, guarded . . . eeek!
I'd love to have another smokin' ribeye like the one Justin grilled the other night. The grillmaster is grilling chicken at this moment.
I charge Dallas, Amy, my sister, my brother, and my mom to get busy and post some good recipes.

Jokes of the day:
Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labor?
A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.

When choosing a name for your baby, go to the back door and shout it out a few times.

Another day down

Joke of the day:
Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you if its still okay..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all," Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn."

And we wait

Well, what am I doing? . . . waiting.
Joke of the day:
An American man is riding a train in a European country. His seatmate knows some English, and they end up chatting. The seatmate asks if the American has children. The American says no."Ah, so sad," says the European. "Your wife, she is impregnable?" "Well, um, that's not exactly the word," says the American. "Oh!" interrupts the European. "I mean, she is inconceivable?" "Um, not quite --" the American begins, only to be interrupted again. "Oh, no, that isn't right," says the European. "She is, what is it, she is unbearable?" "Well, actually, that pretty much sums it up," says the American.

2 frozen Gardners

We had 2 blastocysts make it to be able to freeze.
They are going to put me on a blood thinner, Arixtra, injectable once a day. Retail price for 30 days is $1335 - but a great big thank you to health insurance and United Healthcare for a $35/mo copay! I'm beginning to feel good about those premiums. Yippee!
I'm not sure what I'll write from now until the pregnancy test other than I'm nervous . . . and waiting . . . nervous . . . and waiting, etc. - but I'll try to think of something entertaining, maybe learn some jokes.
Have a great week!

1 baby Sandra and 1 baby Justin

The transfer was "text book." This picture shows 2 blastocysts - 1 A+ (on the left), which is about 120+ cells and an AB (on the right), which is about 40-60 cells. So, we wait for them to hatch (in a day or two) and attach to the lining of the uterus.

I still have 6 embryos left and probably 4 of them will be good enough to freeze. They will decide that later today or tomorrow.

We are waiting for my ivf doc and the hematologist to confer and decide what to do about the other issues.

The only other thing is to wait until the pregnancy test. Holy cow how nerve wracking! I'm not going to tell when I'll have the pregnancy test, so you'll just have to be patient for the news.

I forgot to update you on Rufus - he was very sick for 2 days but came home yesterday and is obviously feeling much better. We will keep him in the house for a month (he won't like that) and then he should be all healed.

Thank you so much for all your love, support, good wishes, encouragement, and friendship. Thanks for journeying with me!

8 embryos!

Wow, what a day. Justin and I were on our way to Atl for the transfer this morning and the nurse called to say the embryologist thought we should let the embryos develop to day 5. After a lot of confusion and discussion, we met with the embryologist and the doctor and decided to wait until day 5 to transfer. Today, all 8 embryos looked great. The embryologist estimated we'd have 50% embryos make it until Thursday. By waiting until the blastocyst stage, they can pick the embryos that look better (are of a genetically better makeup) and more likely to make a baby. They probably will recommend putting back 2 (instead of 3) since they will be of better quality.
Won't it be wild, if we have a child, to explain to them how their first 5 days of life were spent in a laboratory?
My lab results came back and there are some problems with 3 areas (thyroid antibodies, von willebrand factor, and fibronogen) so they will likely put me on a blood thinner during the pregnancy. We hope to conference with the hematologist in Thursday.
I'm beginning to feel like a human science experiment.
Rufus is not feeling well and is still in the hospital. Hopefully, he will come home tomorrow.
Go hug your loved one - and tell them how glad you are to have them!

You can do it little baby(ies) Gardner!!

It's official - we will transfer embryos tomorrow. We have to be in Atlanta at 9:30. I have to drink 40 oz of water beginning at 8am so that my bladder is full when they transfer. I hope to get a picture of the embryos to post here. Tomorrow, we will also find out the results of the other embryos (how many we will have to freeze) and hopefully the results of hematology tests.
Tonight at dinner Amy and Troy decided we should have all 8 babies - all at once. They said: Justin and Sandra plus 8 - ha, ha, ha. Then Justin said, no it will be: Sandra plus 8. That's just downright crazy.
We have a serious dog situation. Rufus went for his annual exam today and we learned he has heartworms. They say he must have had them last year (when we got him as a stray) but they weren't far enough along to show up on the test. Since we've been giving him heartworm medicine monthly, it's kept the situation at bay but they will aggressively treat now to kill them all for good. They gave/will give him 2 shots and keep him for 24 hours at the vet. They say the shots are rough. I visited him this afternoon and it was very evident he didn't feel well. Poor Rufus!
When Justin gave me my shot tonight (with Amy in observance) he hit a blood vessel - that's the first time it's ever happened. You have to pull the needle out and start over.
We are glad Amy is recovering nicely from her calamitous fall and ensuing plastic surgery. And Congratulations for finishing her MBA this week!! Go Amy!
I'll update you tomorrow on the little baby Gardners.

Better than 50%

Here's the latest stats - 14 of the 20 eggs were mature, 8 of the 14 fertilized. So those 8 embryos are now incubating and hopefully will progress to the 7 or 8 cell stage. They have to be at least 7 or 8 cells to transfer and/or freeze. Transfer will be Tuesday or Thursday. They will look at the embryos Tuesday morning and decide to transfer then (I think most transfers happen at day 3) or to wait until blastocyst stage and transfer on Thursday (day 5).
Justin gave me the first progesterone shot (with the big needle). I could feel it going into the muscle but it was pretty smooth and pain free.
I'll keep you posted. Thanks for your good thoughts and well wishes!

20

That's how many eggs they got (13 last IVF). 20 marvelous little baby Sandras. Everything with the retrieval went well. They will call tomorrow and let us know how many fertilized, how they are doing, etc. Justin and I went to breakfast (at lunch time) with Mary Dell and now are at home - rain, laying around, loving Max and Rufus, movies, and snoozing.
Tomorrow they will let us know whether the transfer will be Tuesday or Thursday.
Thanks to my prep nurse, Anna, and my recovery nurse (pictured here) whose name I don't know because I was out of it.
Have a great weekend!

And the winner is . . .

Cynthia! Same amount of follicles as yesterday (13 on the right and 11 on the left) only they are bigger. My ovaries are so full that they are touching/meeting in the middle. Holy cow. My estradiol is 2893 - wow. Amy - I appreciate your confidence in me being able to produce 70.
I got the go ahead this afternoon to "trigger" which means I took a shot of hcg (the pregnancy hormone) at precisely 9pm this evening (with Rebecca and Jennifer in observance) to tell my ovaries to get ready to release the eggs. I have Friday off - no Atlanta, no meds, totally free. I have to be in Atlanta Saturday morning at 7:30am and my retrieval will be at 9am. They will sedate me and take all the eggs out. My doctor is actually on call and will do the procedure. I don't think the procedure will take long. I will start daily progesterone injections (that's the big needle, in the butt muscle) and baby aspirin the day after egg retrieval.
My visit with the hematologist, Dr. Alexander "Sandy" Duncan, at Emory today was absolutely amazing. He was personable, attentive, knowledgeable - quite lovely (he's Scottish, they say lovely, I think). and very refreshing. He ordered a bunch of labwork - 12 vials of blood. If there are concerns, they will put me on a blood thinner while I'm pregnant. I can't tell you everything he said because this is a PG (PG-13?) blog - but he was hilarious talking about baby making.
Justin comes home from school tomorrow for the whole summer. We won't know what to do actually living together all the time. We'll be like newlyweds . . . awww.
So keep your fingers crossed that body parts, nature, technology, human skill and everything else comes together to make some good Gardner embryos!

The clock is ticking

Hello! At the risk of cursing my future commutes, the drive this morning was smooth and quick. Yippee!
I have 13+ follicles on the right and 11+ follicles on the left. My estradiol is 1293, which is good that it's not higher (it allows time for the follicles to grow and mature). You get mature follicles via 3 factors: time, estradiol level and size. I will go back tomorrow for bloodwork and ultrasound and probably trigger Thursday night (a shot of hcg hormone 36 hours before retrieval) and have egg retrieval Saturday morning.
My doctor writes about fertility issues on a site called divinecaroline.com (a site for women, by women) - so check it out if you'd like.
My appt with the hematologist at Emory is Thursday at 11 and I hope to have some answers (maybe more blood tests?) from him about any clotting or blood issues.
Here's a picture of me and my doctor and nurse. Funny story - the lady who was taking the picture had the camera turned backwards and we could see her face on the screen because she had it pointed it right at herself.

Lynn (her husband, her daughter and her husband) along with Johnny Isaacson (spelling?), a Georgia politician, took a prayer quilt to President Bush in April 2007. They had a private meeting with him in the oval office, spent time talking and prayed together. She said it was an incredible experience. Lynn and her daughter make prayer quilts for people.

I've got my day planned out for Saturday - lots of movies, reading, and laying on the couch.

We could have a contest and see who can guess (the closest) how many follicles I'll have on each side after my ultrasound tomorrow. Post your guess on the "comments" and I'll declare a winner tomorrow night.

I'm cooking like crazy

Wow, today was crazy. The increased meds are working because I'm way ahead of schedule. Today is day of cycle (DOC) 7. Today I had 13 follicles on the right and 8 on the left (DOC 7 the first ivf I had 5 and 5). My estradiol was 720 (last ivf this same time it was 334).
So, I go back to Atl Wednesday for bloodwork, ultrasound, and pre-ivf physical. I have to be there at 8:30, normally too early for me because it's when traffic is crazy.
My doctor wants me to consult with the hematologist at Emory whom works a lot with blood disorders (clotting, etc.) related to pregnancy. So, they were able to work me in Thursday and I will consult with him about my low protime level. I'm super impressed they got me in so quickly.
They are estimating my egg retrieval will be Saturday.
I finished my book on CD, The Mermaid Chair, by Sue Kidd Monk. It was good! Finally, a good ending.
I'll keep you posted! Thanks for journeying with me!

Smooth sailing

My trip to Atlanta today was smooth - traffic flowed well. I was there for all of about 15 minutes and then back in the car to Macon. I had to go by the pharmacy for another cartridge of Follistim (follicle stimulating hormone) for the bargain price of $816. One cartridge will last 2 days. This is my 4th one so far. Lynn, the nurse, called this afternoon to let me know that my estradiol (estrogen) level was 720, which is good. So my medication dose will stay the same and I'm back to Atlanta tomorrow for ultrasound and bloodwork.
I've felt very full tonight. It's probably my ovaries cooperating and filling full of lots of ripe eggs (come on ovaries - do your thing!)
Hope you have a great week!

Fun, Fun, Fun

So here's our surprise. Justin and Troy wore vintage tuxedos for the wedding (well, only for the pre-wedding tricks) - they were super cheesy. Scott immediately thought it was cool, the wedding coordinator thought they were serious, and Justice was shocked then laughed! The wedding was a BLAST and beautiful and very classy! We danced and danced and danced. Justice and Scott - what a wonderful weekend. We wish you a rich and fulfilling future together. We love you and are so glad you are our friends!

Tomorrow I start going to Atlanta every day. Each day they will measure my Estradiol (estrogen) blood level and the number and size of the follicles in each ovary. The nurse will call me each day to tell me what dosage of medicine to take.

For right now, I'm taking 2 shots in the morning, 1 shot in the evening, and pills AM & PM.

We have our audit at work May 7 and I'll be working like crazy until then but I'll be sure to make time for my blog to keep you posted each day this week.

Ask and ye shall receive

Hello good people! Well, the bruises are popping up (from the needles/injections) and I'm loving the fact that I am privileged enough to have bruises from being able to go above and beyond for a chance at a baby and family.
Dottie - I will call you for lunch. What day is best?
Suz - I will have lunch with you May 23.
Amy - here's your Hallmark card for "this" http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/article1000110051/HallmarkSite/GoldCrownStores/JOURNEYS_OCCASIONS_FAMILYstores. I'll be expecting one soon.
I'm going to look for a Hallmark card for getting the shaft by your wedding reception location. Hey - my sister lives in the Hallmark headquarters city, so maybe she can have an inside track for us. And . . . Dallas is a Hallmark hall of fame member, so she can help too.
I soaked and peeled The Foot tonight and it's looking great (see below).
We are going to the wedding of the century this weekend. It's going to be loads of fun! I will definitely post pictures of the funny business as soon as I get back.
I want my Mom to know we will be thinking about her this weekend. She is going (back) to the cancer retreat she and my Dad went to last fall. They had such a wonderful and profound experience when they went that they planned to volunteer at the retreats in the future. I am very proud of you, Mom, for going. I know it will be a weekend full of emotion. I will be there with you in spirit. I love you!

My drug dealers

Hello everyone! It's official - I'm starting the stimulation protocol this morning. Shots of 225 Follistim (follicle stimulating hormone) twice per day for the next ?12 days.

I start going to Atlanta everyday (bloodwork and ultrasounds) on Monday, April 28.

This picture is of William the pharmacist and Stephanie the tech at Concord Pharmacy. They are in the same building as my ivf docs and I imagine a large part of their business is for ivf, etc.

I was overly cautious this morning about the correct dose, the correct needle, the correct location - 2 shots and 1 antibiotic later I emerged victorious. It looked like my own little medical unit.

Depending on how things go, my procedures may be May 5 and 8.

More later . . .

It might be time . . .

Okay, I go back to Atlanta tomorrow for another supression check. My estradiol (estrogen) level should be down and my follicles should be very small or gone - so we can get the show on the road. So, if all goes well, I'll start the stimulation (FSH) meds.
My nurse, Lynn, has a cool story about President Bush - I'll tell you the whole story later.
Justin had a tire blow out on his little, bitty, toy car this morning on the way to Athens - I'm very glad he is okay!
I started this morning out with a shot in the butt for my friend - who is well on her way on her own special and nerve wracking journey. You're getting there, day by day!
I'm listening to the 80's station - back to the good old days . . . Tears for Fears and Terence Trent D'Arby. And at 9, I'm going to listen to the Oprah/Eckart Tolle webcast re: his book, A New Earth. And then we can all be more aware.
I usually get a book on CD for any out of town trips in my car. Last IVF, I listened to Light on Snow (Anita Shreve), which was about a baby found abandoned in the snow/woods. This time, I checked out The Mermaid Chair (Sue Kidd Monk), which has a pregnant woman in it. Weird, the pregnancy and baby themes (I didn't know this before selecting these books).
I have a funny story, at work today, I was doing a group for 8yo-12yo girls. One of them saw the bottom of my foot (The Foot), and started remarking about it, show I showed everyone, then when group was over I showed everyone the blog picture of The Foot right after surgery. They were all shrieking about how gross it was but they couldn't stop looking and were climbing over each other to get a good look. I'm so proud of them!
I want to send my special thoughts to Jodi and Bryan who lost their first baby (dog), Cody, this past week. I empathize with them because our dogs have been like our children, our family - and it's hard when we lose them.
I hope you all have a great week! Hopefully, good news tomorrow - little Baby Gardners in the making!

Ovaries aren't ready yet

Happy Saturday! I went to Atlanta yesterday for my suppression check. Result: my ovaries aren't ready for the stimulation (FSH) medicine yet. They did blookwork and an ultrasound. My estradiol (estrogen) was 87 and should be 50 or below. The ultrasound measured the follicles in my ovaries. I still have some small follicles in my ovaries, which is bad because if I start the stim meds then those (old follicles) will get stimulated and we'll have a bad result. So, I have to wait for those follicles to go away, my estradiol to go down - maybe 2-3 more days. Then back to Atlanta for another supression check and if all is well then I'll start the new injections (twice daily). I also had to pay the entire cost (gulp!) - I wrote a big fat check. In the end, the whole process may just be delayed a few days (hopefully, that will be all).
I didn't take a picture because my doctor wasn't there - but I will get a photo of me, my nurse and my doc.
Have a good weekend!

Busy, busy, busy

Hi! Holy cow, I've been busy this week.
Shots going well. Good Bye Too Soon group yesterday was particularly emotional/tearful for everyone - but good. I had a consult with my ob/gyn today and it went very well. I have my suppression check in Atlanta on Friday. The Foot will get it's 3 week check up tomorrow - still wearing flip flops. Rufus (or Max?) got into the bathroom toilet paper yesterday - that's a first. We had a stern talking to and it didn't happen again today.
I have a massage in the morning that my wonderful coworkers gave me to get me officially relaxed for IVF - ooh-la-la - thanks very much all you 116 folks!!!

I went to prison today

Hello good people!
I went to prison today with my coworker, Dallas. But we only stayed about 50 minutes and left. Hey - that's another thing to be thankful for - you're not in prison!
My shot didn't want to go in this morning. It was weird. I had to push the needle in really hard.
I had some weird dreams last night and I remember waking up and thinking I needed to write about them in my blog, but now I can't remember them. Can you remember your dreams?
Ooh-la-la, the goodies for the tricky business at the wedding (hee, hee) came in today. It's great! I can't wait to see how it comes off and post pictures for you to see!
I'm getting ready to listen to Oprah.com's webcast of her series on Eckert Tolle's A New Earth. The topic: Finding out who you really are.
I will go to my Goodbye Too Soon group tomorrow. It's for people who've lost babies. I love going and am sad thinking about not being able to go if I get pregnant. I feel a powerful connection to the people there.
Hope your week is starting off great!

What do diarrhea and IVF have in common?

Nothing. But it was funny yesterday when Justin and I were just putting the clean sheets back on our bed and Rufus jumped up and sat down on them - and we noticed a big nasty diarrhea spot wiped from the stuff dripping off his butt. Gross! There would have been a day that I would have been one mad woman about having to rewash the sheets I just took out of the dryer . . . but now I'm just glad my diarrhea dog, his drippy wet butt, my dirty sheets, and I don't live in Iraq! And by the way, this is Rufus' first diarrhea since becoming a Gardner dog a year ago! And . . . Justin made a good point that cleaning Rufus' butt was good practice for diaper duty (an added bonus!).

I don't plan on normally talking about diarrhea on my blog, but I may have to talk about other matters of poo if the constipation rears it's ugly head again during this IVF and hopefully pregnancy process. It's a common problem for pregnancy and with increased progesterone, so I will share the trials and tribulations if it comes to that (in good conscience I don't feel like I could leave anything out!) And it's kind of funny, "Sandra's daily poo report."
I hope your own personal matters of poo are coming out just fine!

How big is your needle?

Hello everyone!

Here are my needles. I'm using the one on the far right now. When I start using progesterone, I'll draw it out with the one on the far left (because it's in oil and thick), and it will go in with the needle in the middle.

The first time Justin ever gave me a progesterone shot, which is with the big needle, I was all geared up and waiting anxiously, I asked him if he was going to do it - and he already had, without me even feeling it! Last IVF, right before it was time to start the progesterone shots, the nurse taught Justin how to administer the shot and drew big circles in magic marker on my butt to "mark the spot." You want to be careful not to hit the sciatic nerve. So, once Justin started giving them, the circle would wash off when I showered, so he would draw them back and he'd make smiley faces, devil's horns and who knows what else since I couldn't really see them. After so many shots, you get needle hole marks (track marks on your butt?) and it's easy to see where to stick it in.

I went to Athens to be with Justin Friday for a party (the birthday girl was born the year Justin graduated from high school HA!). We had an excellent time and headed back to Macon Sat morning.

Has anyone (besides Mom) gotten into Eckart Tolle's A New Earth? If you have, let me know what you think.

Have a great weekend!

Busy with tricks

I didn't post tonight because I was busy preparing for the little prank we are playing on Scott and Justice at their wedding (giggle, giggle) - time got away from me. I'd love to tell you what we are doing, however, I can't because they might be reading, although it's not likely Justice is because she spends every waking moment preparing for the wedding of the century and doesn't have time to read blogs. Anyhow, you'll have to wait until April 27, after the blessed union. I will definitely post pictures (hee, hee).

Blood donation

Hi everyone! I'm feeling a little uninspired tonight and I'm wondering if the good ole Georgia pollen is making my head hurt.
The shot this morning was smooth as a baby's bottom (fitting metaphor).
I saw the perinatologist today, was there 4 hours and 10 minutes - part them and part techincal difficulties because they didn't have all my records. Lesson learned - be your own health care advocate, be proactive, get copies of everything, and don't assume anything.
He ordered lots of tests to rule out possible conditions that could have caused the placental abruption. The lab took 8 vials of blood - a heck of a donation for my own good cause. Thanks to Dallas for the CPR and mouth to mouth resuscitation when I fell out later in the day - now that's a good friend!
While I was waiting in his office (there's only so much I can do on my blackberry in 4 hours and 10 minutes), I had fun watching all the activity down below, overlooking the street and front entrance to the emergency room. I saw a man bump the front of my car with his car when he was parking, but it's all good because 1) he is a DAV, I later learned, and 2) at least I'm not living in Iraq!
Holy cow, my coworker Beth, had a procedure done and sent out pictures today. Wow - they are impressive. She got sliced and diced. Hope you feel better and heal quickly Beth!
The Blog Master Amy has taught me how to attach pictures with the blog entry so I'll use it for future pics. I'll leave The Foot pictures at the bottom in case you don't want to see them.
A special I LOVE YOU and lots of hugs and kisses to my Mom!!!

I'm glad I don't live in Iraq!

Well, I think I can say that my shots are old hat now.
I have an appt tomorrow with a perinatologist (a high risk ob/gyn) in Macon. I will see him (plus my regular ob/gyn) if I'm pregnant, but I wanted to see him beforehand to consult about what to prepare for and what I can expect if I'm preggers.
I saw my endocrinologist last week, to check in regarding my hypothyroidism and pregnancy. It looks like we managed my thyroid problems well while I was pregnant the first time and it should be routine to manage in a future pregnancy.
Is there a doctor I haven't seen?
At lunch today, my friend, Betsy, says she knows of a really disgusting public restroom in Butler, GA. Hmmm . . . we'll save it as a back up in case we can't find one in Macon. Please let me know if you know of any nasty restrooms (if it's at your house, you may want to keep that to yourself).
What else today? The Foot continues to heal nicely. Rufus peed on Grandma's gas can. Happy Birthday to Rebecca (Dirty, that is)!!!
I haven't told you about my new motto. I don't know what made me think about this, but after all the recent hardship, I thought a lot about that many things could be worse - and my new motto was born: "I'm just glad I don't live in Iraq!" That gives you something to be thankful for, huh?
I'm glad you don't live in Iraq too!
Love - Sandra

On my way . . .

Warning! Warning! - gross foot pictures attached!!!
Don't scroll to the bottom if you don't want to see.
You asked for it, you got it!! The viewing public has spoken and they want the foot pictures. So - hide your eyes if you don't want to see. It's so gross you can't help but look! Even grosser, Rufus keeps trying to lick it!

Hi everyone! This morning's Lupron was like old times, a needle to the junkie (I promise I won't get addicted to fertility meds). I haven't felt anything from the Lupron, normally you don't have any med side effects at this point.
I didn't sleep well last night because I had a belly ache - and I dreamed that I had to have an appendectomy, and it meant that my IVF process was delayed. I don't normally remember my dreams, but I will keep you abreast of any interesting dreams.
I was at dinner with the girls tonight (bon voyage and good luck Melissa!) and we were reminiscing during my last IVF cycle when Rebecca (Clean Rebecca, not Dirty Rebecca) gave me my shot (the one that comes later on, in the butt muscle) in the bathroom at El Azteca. Then, someone decided (I think it was Dallas' brainchild) that we should search for the most disgusting public restroom in Macon and take a picture there of Rebecca giving me my shot. She is going to wear her patten leather nurses outfit. We'll probably get arrested.
In the future, I'm going to publish some pictures of my needles/medicine/doctor's office, etc.
Thanks for journeying with me!

That Just Happened!

Okay folks, it's done. It was just like getting on a bike after years of being off, that needle slid right in. Justin said I did it extra slowly. I told him (My Personal Pharmacist) that he needed to be present, you know to observe the patient in case they fall out, and he carried out his duties well.
I want to send a special shout out of encouargement and support to my friend, JBS, who is playing her own waiting game. I think about you every day, totally understand what you must be feeling/thinking every minute - and I am always sending positive vibes your way!
I also feel the need to shout out to Warren and Diana, the Brady Bunch (Andrew, Hayley, Owen, Ethan) and my Mom whom are all moving Warren & Bunch into their new house in Albuquerque this weekend. I'm sorry I can't be there to help (but my foot is glad).
And thanks to Amy (a professional blogger) for the TA on getting my site up and running. You're the bomb!
I'm kind of bummed I can't walk. It would be good for both physical and mental state of being. For those of you who haven't seen "the foot", I had a laser procedure done on the bottom of my foot and underestimated the after effects. It's basically a raw, bloody, now scabbing over crater in my foot. It's so disgusting you can't stop looking at it and thinking how gross it is. It's certainly cramped my style. I would post pictures of it if I didn't think it might keep people from visiting me here. But, the whole point of the having the procedure is to get the problem taken care of before I am pregnant, so thinking positive thoughts and assuming that I'm pregnant in the near future, then it's all well worth it.
Even though today is Day 1, there will be another Day 1, that's more official in the IVF world. They start counting (Day of Cycle/DOC) when you start your stimulation meds. Last time I had my last FSH shot on DOC 10 and my egg retrieval procedure on DOC 12. This time the Dr. projects she'll let me go (take more meds) a day longer. So, when I start talking DOC, you'll know what I'm talking about.
Have a good Sunday!

Day 1 is almost official

Hi everyone! Well it's after midnight so that means my first shot is almost here.

I thought I'd give you some more info about the process. I will take the Lupron until about Monday, April 21. I'll start the stimulation hormone drug (FSH) on about Tuesday, April 22. This is the expensive one. I'll take it morning and evening. My Dr. is increasing my dose from last time. I have a pen that I put the cartridge of medication in and I "dial" my dose. On about Sunday, April 27 I will start going to the Dr.'s office in Atlanta every day. (This will be interesting because Justice and Scott's wild and crazy wedding is the night before and we will have partied hardy to celebrate the blessed event - yippee!). I'll have bloodwork and ultrasounds. One big thing the bloodwork is looking at is my Estradiol level (estrogen). The ulstraounds count how many follicles and measure the size of each. Depending on these results each day, my dose of FSH will increase/decrease/or stay the same. It's a timing symphony, to make sure the follicles and estradiol levels are at peak. Then I take a day off and take a shot of the HCG hormone 36 hours prior to egg retrieval. Then egg retrieval procedure, under light sedation (and no they don't give me Percocet afterwards, darnit). They fertilize everything and incubate the embryos, careful to keep them in a warm/stable environment, they won't be moved at all. A nurse will call me each of these 3 days (while my embryos are cooking) and give me a status report - kind of like an expensive babysitter. Next, comes embryo transfer 3 days later. We'll decide how many embryos to transfer (or "put back"). Then I go home and do the hardest part ever, wait.
I don't think I'm going to tell you how many days I'll have to wait before I take the pregnancy test because I'll freak out knowing everyone is waiting to hear the moment I know the news I've been waiting so anxiously for. So, you'll have to be patient and I'll tell you when it's time. Then, assuming I have good news, I'll have to wrap myself around being positively and patiently pregnant (without excessive worry). You can all help me with that!
Whew! I'm tired just talking about all this.
Thanks for joining me on my journey.

In the beginning

Hello everyone!
Well, here I am, preparing to venture again into the world of In Vitro Fertilization. I'm going to blog my ivf experience.
Being our second round of IVF and after a rough past months, I thought it would be good for me to chronicle my thoughts, feelings, etc. I also thought it would be interesting for people to follow along - to go along for the wild ride.
Ok, so I start Lupron shots on Sunday. I'll take 10 units of Lupron every morning for about 2 weeks. It's injected in the stomach or thigh fat (it won't be difficult to find some) using a small needle (like what you use for insulin). The Lupron sort of shuts down your body's normal reproductive cycle.
I will have a suppression check at my doctor's office in Atlanta on Friday, April 18. That will include ultrasound and bloodwork and if all looks good that's when I plunk down the cash.
I hope that you all will accompany me/us on this journey and enjoy experiencing it with me!