And the results are in:

Here are the official results including my numbers from IVF1 and IVF 2 for comparison:

Total eggs IVF3 - 16 IVF2 - 20 IVF1 - 13

Mature eggs IVF3 - 12 IVF2 - 14 IVF1 - 8

Fertilized eggs IVF3 - 9 IVF2 - 8 IVF1 - 5

# of embryos IVF3 - ? IVF2 - 4 IVF1 - 3

We won't know my PGD results until Saturday. They say it's rare to not have any good embryos - I hope that's my case!
I'll keep you posted.

16 eggs

We got 16 eggs today (IVF 1 yielded 13 and IVF 2 yielded 20 - but many were immature both times). Everything went well. We were up at 5 to leave for Atl at 6 - ugh! My favorite nurse was on duty (my luck b/c she normally only works weekends) and my favorite transfer nurse offered to come in on Saturday. We had a great time as we were prepping. I'm having a lot more discomfort/pain afterwards this time. Been sleeping all day.

Tomorrow, we'll know how many were mature and fertilized. They'll start the PGD on Thursday and transfer on Saturday. Keep your fingers crossed!

DOC 11

9 eggs on each side = 18 total. Estradiol = 2496. Trigger tonight and egg retrieval on Monday.

DOC 10

7 eggs on each side = 14 total. Estradiol = 1385.
Back to Atl tomorrow for last bloodwork/ultrasound then trigger (the shot that tells my ovaries to get the eggs ready for release and fertilization) Saturday night. Off day on Sunday and egg retrieval on Monday.

80s channel - Who Can It Be Now, Men At Work.

DOC 9 - Oh ye of little faith why do you doubt?

7 on the left and 6 on the right = 13. Estradiol is 915 (good). Keeping my FSH dose at the higher level. I met with the doc today for my history/physical and we discussed the plan, possibilities, etc. I told her this was it (no more IVF, no donor eggs, no adoption) so she better get me pregnant.
I got in my car to head home and started having a little freak out (what if none of the embryos look good enough to do the genetic testing, what if I don't have any embryos that are normal and end up with none) and my book on CD starting playing - Father Tim, the character in the book, quoted scripture "Oh ye of little faith, why do you doubt?", and me believing in signs took that as a sign, and I repeated it the whole way home.

I grew up in New Mexico and have always appreciated Indian fetishes (miniature carvings imbued with spirit forces) and I looked up the meaning behind the turtle (patience) and then rabbit (the guardian of women during childbirth, which I never knew). Holy cow - yesterday I was saying I was trying to be the turtle but naturally am more like the rabbit - that's another sign, that the rabbit is the guardian of women during childbirth!

On the 80s channel - Prince, 1999. If you don't remember 1999 (well) then you probably shouldn't be viewing my blog.

I go back to the doc for bloodwork/ultrasound Friday and Saturday, will trigger Saturday night, and have egg retrieval on Monday. In the meantime, I'm trying to stay CALM and repeating: Oh Ye of Little Faith Why Do You Doubt

DOC 8

5 eggs on the left and 6 on the right = 11 total. Estradiol 482. Increase my FSH dose tonight.
Slow and steady sure seems slow.
Thanks to Dallas for loaning me her special New Mexico turtle to remind me that slow and steady wins the race (I'm normally the rabbit).

80s channel - Cum On Feel The Noize (girls rock your boys, we'll get wild wild wild)- Quiet Riot. I have to also report that the next song is I Feel For You (I want to love you, hug you, and squeeze you too) - Chaka Khan.

It's been a long day, going to bed - goodnight!

DOC 7

I have 5 follicles on each side - 10 total. My estradiol is 325. So, slow and steady, just as we want it.

On the 80's channel - Venus by Bananarama (I'm your Venus!).

DOC 6

Today more bloodwork and ultrasound. I have 4 follicles/eggs on each side. My estradiol is 221 (1st IVF it was 334 and 2nd IVF was 720) so we are increasing my FSH dose again tonight. Back again for bloodwork/ultrasound tomorrow.

I'm usually listening to 80's music (on DirectTV) when I post, so I thought I should starting posting which song I'm listening to - Super Freak by Rick James. If you aren't 80s savvy, then you need to educate yourself.

For my sweet baby girl, JJ, who we lost to an abruption at 6 months pregnant; she would have been about a year old today. When I was pregnant, I knew she was a boy, thus, the JJ - Justin, Jr. was her nick name. If she were here, I imagine her with curly hair like me and a streak of stubborn/feisty/mischeivousness like Justin. My group for people who've lost babies had a balloon release Saturday and I sent a love note to her.
My Dad died unexpectedly a week and a half after we lost the baby. After we buried him, my Mom and I went to the cemetary to see if they had set his headstone. The caretaker was just arriving to set it into place, he had another headstone on his cart, which was for a baby that died the same day as my Dad. He asked us if Mr. Hunt was a good grandpa (he was) and then said "He's up in heaven taking care of this baby." So, I like to think about Grandpa Neil with Baby JJ in his lap and they are looking down on us all.

Update

I had bloodwork and ultrasound today, Day of Cycle 5, which is early. For IVFs 1 and 2, I had my first bloodwork on DOC 6 and first ultrasound on DOC 7. Because of my tendency to make eggs so quickly they wanted to monitor me sooner - and we'll try to "cook" them for a day longer so they are more mature. I have 3 follicles on the right side and 2 on the left. My estradiol is 169. The doc says to increase my FSH dose tonight.
One thing I look forward to on my drive to/from Atlanta is listening to books on CD. I just finished listening to The Double Bind by Chris Bohjalian (or Bojangles, for my Mom's benefit). I'm starting At Home in Mitford by Jan Karon.
I still feel crappy from my cold/sinus stuff - my head won't stop pounding.
Tomorrow is/was my due date a year ago - it's weird to think we could have a 1-year-old child.
That's all the news - hope you all are well!

First Hysterical Fit

Okay "what had happened was" . . . I went to the doc for my suppression check today, had labwork and ultrasound, then waited a long time for my nurse, asked the receptionist to check on why I hadn't seen the nurse, then the "sub" nurse (probably an LPN, whom I did know) came out and took me back to meet with me. She started saying all kinds of things that didn't make sense for my case - she didn't know what she was talking about. I was growing concerned and before I could ask to see the regular nurse (who was with a consult), she went and got the regular nurse -I was again concerned when she didn't know everything that should have been happening in my case. I was thinking (but didn't say) "What the hell? I'm paying you a lot of money, I expect you to know what's going on in my case!!!" What I did say was "I'm not feeling reassured that you know what you're doing" and started crying and was obviously upset. I was ready to kick some ass! At this point, things became very serious and they buzzed about the room, figuring things out, getting me what I needed, reassuring me everything would be okay, and even hugging me. They also gave me a 600 unit cartridge of Follistim (a bonus!). I've felt very emotional this go around, to be early in the process, assuming it's drug induced, and even my breasts have been sore; I don't know what's different, why I'm more emotional, because it didn't happen the 1st and 2nd times.

It's funny, but if you don't know me, I have a reputation for having some major rants/fits/episodes (in my defense, one time I was taking pain medicine) and can get a little crazy.

So, even though things got off to a rough start, it's all good for now. I'll start shooting up with the good drugs tomorrow - come on eggs . . . cooperate and do your thing!

POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've officially decided that I'm going to be POSITIVE about this and think that it's going to work this time. So, there! (Now I just have to really convince myself).
Many of you know that I'm weird about "signs", such as the following signs (some of which I'm afraid to tell you because I'm afraid to jinx myself, another weird thing): tomorrow is my supression check, which is St. Patrick's day, meaning the LUCK of the Irish; my mini pencil and orchid plants are blooming (they haven't bloomed since I moved to my new office 1yr9mos ago) - meaning, my womb is blooming; and there are some other signs but I either can't remember them or don't want to repeat them out loud - so anyway, the moral of the story is I'm going to insist that this going to be the baby making jackpot (holy shit!)!!

Lupron report

One shot of lupron every morning - so far so good. Suppression check in Atl on Tuesday. Order the really expensive drugs on Monday(ish). I still get chicken, freak out, think "what the hell am I doing" and consider backing out every so often. I'm having fun dreaming about the future - I just hope I get to dream for a long time (9 months or so). It's warm here and heavenly to sit outside - we've been having fires in the chiminea outside even though it's almost too hot. I'm loving my free yoga class with my favorite instructor. Justin's home for spring break - a mini honeymoon. That's all that's new to report.

Courage and hope after heartbreak

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."
“If you are going through hell, keep going."
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."

Well put your seat belts on . . . because the wild ride is about to begin. We have officially decided to do IVF again. I will start Lupron shots next week (March 4) and we'll have our procedures (egg retrieval) at the end of March and (transfer) the beginning of April. I'm using the same doctor. We will do pre-genetic diagnosis this time so we'll only use the embryos that are chromosomally normal. In PGD, they fertilize the embryos and grow them to day 3, then take out a cell from each, test the cell's chromosomes, grow them to day 5, then you know which ones are "good" and you use or freeze only the normal ones. In case you didn't know, a woman's eggs age as she ages and at my age, it's typical for many of the eggs not to be normal (chromosomally). So, by only using the normal ones, you have a higher chance of a successful pregnancy.
I'm excited, scared, unsure, hopeful, terrified, ready to take this on and kick some ass(!) and sometimes I feel like throwing up. I don't know whether to be excited/hopeful/enthusiastic or guarded/pessimistic/safe. Deep down it's quite scary and the automatic reaction is to protect myself, but I know that I'll be better off to celebrate and enjoy this process - so I'm working toward that.
I worry that by being negative (expecting the worst, being surprised by the best) I won't have my body in a good place. But the flip side of that is allowing hope for something that almost seems too good to be real or possible (given what I've experienced thus far). It's torture!
Has anyone out there done acupuncture with IVF?
So, hop on the roller coaster with me and come along for the ride. I'll keep you posted.

Snow in the South!

Crazy! It started snowing this afternoon. Justin, his Mom, the dogs, and I got out in it. Rufus and Huck were chasing and biting snow balls.