Sunday, March 1, 2009

Courage and hope after heartbreak

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow'."
“If you are going through hell, keep going."
"Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark."
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow."

Well put your seat belts on . . . because the wild ride is about to begin. We have officially decided to do IVF again. I will start Lupron shots next week (March 4) and we'll have our procedures (egg retrieval) at the end of March and (transfer) the beginning of April. I'm using the same doctor. We will do pre-genetic diagnosis this time so we'll only use the embryos that are chromosomally normal. In PGD, they fertilize the embryos and grow them to day 3, then take out a cell from each, test the cell's chromosomes, grow them to day 5, then you know which ones are "good" and you use or freeze only the normal ones. In case you didn't know, a woman's eggs age as she ages and at my age, it's typical for many of the eggs not to be normal (chromosomally). So, by only using the normal ones, you have a higher chance of a successful pregnancy.
I'm excited, scared, unsure, hopeful, terrified, ready to take this on and kick some ass(!) and sometimes I feel like throwing up. I don't know whether to be excited/hopeful/enthusiastic or guarded/pessimistic/safe. Deep down it's quite scary and the automatic reaction is to protect myself, but I know that I'll be better off to celebrate and enjoy this process - so I'm working toward that.
I worry that by being negative (expecting the worst, being surprised by the best) I won't have my body in a good place. But the flip side of that is allowing hope for something that almost seems too good to be real or possible (given what I've experienced thus far). It's torture!
Has anyone out there done acupuncture with IVF?
So, hop on the roller coaster with me and come along for the ride. I'll keep you posted.

6 comments:

Amy said...

I think you should be a little bit of it all, but mostly hopeful and POSITIVE.

What are you doing with acupuncture????

LauraC said...

One of my blogfriends did accupuncture when she did IVF. She has since moved to a private blog when her daughter was born a month ago but all her old fertility stuff is up on the old blog:

questbaby.blogspot.com

(Thanks for stopping by my blog!)

And good luck along this journey. I can't even tell you the number of IVF babies I know in person and via the internet.

LauraC said...

OK now I feel like a complete dork! You already know BB!

Ignore my last comment.

HeatherV said...

Hey Sandra-

LauraC is a good friend IRL and passed along your blog. I am sending you lots of good thoughts as you start another IVF cycle.

We have are trying for a second child are moving to an all injectable IUI next cycle. Our RE has already advised that we will likely go to full IVF for any chance of success. I am looking at mid April-May time frame. May 2009 be a good year for us both.

ps.. have done Accupuncutre prior to getting PG before. It's really relaxing! Our RE offers it through thier clinic so I'm considering it too!

Julia said...

Sandra,

As I told you before I'm really excited for you. I'm here to support you through your journey.

Pegs said...

Really excited for you and will be keeping your journey in my prayers! I am here for any support you need!!